The Blahs!

When I started writing this post about 3 hours ago, it was a whiny whoa is me post.  I started complaining about work and state testing and being tired all the time! Wah, wah, wah!

Then I stopped writing, shut down the computer and watched a movie with my hubby. While watching the movie I started thinking of my post again and realized that life is what I make of it, and being a big whiny baby isn't going to help me get out of my blahs!

I've decided that I'm going to join the gym Monday (which my school district is paying for), and start eating healthy again.  I came to the realization that I've become a slug on the weekends because I have no energy left after a week of work.  It doesn't help that I've gained about 30 pounds since school started (on top of the 80 pounds I was already over weight).  I need to get out of my slump and start living again. 

I let my fibro take control, and it's time I take back that control.  It's time to quit feeling sorry for myself, and making excuses because I have fibro.  I need to push myself to my limits instead of just giving up without even trying.  It's time to put the WAR back into Fibro Warrior!

So no more blahs, and more yays!  Life will be good again!

By the way, my mommy helped me get out of my blahs by telling me she has bought tickets for me and Spencer to go see Britney Spears in Vegas this September! Big Yay! 

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

The Pitfalls of Being a Teacher!

I love being a teacher. I have loved it for the last 17 years. The only problem is, I catch every thing that comes into my class.  Since I'm the reading teacher, I work with small guided reading groups throughout the day to help my students who just quite aren't where they need to be when it comes to reading and comprehension. 

Not my table, but it works for my post!

Now as you can see from the picture, I am no more than 2 or 3 feet away from my students.  I meet with 5 different groups during the day.  It never fails, at least 2 of them are sniffling, sneezing, or coughing.  It's quite disgusting. I keep tissues and hand sanitizer handy, but how do you control the germs when they don't cover their mouths.  You would think that by 5th grade they would know how to do this, but I still have to remind them everyday. I have to wipe down my table with chlorox wipes between every group. 

I had built up my immunities over the years, but since my fibro diagnoses my immune system seems to be shot.  So now I get to spend yet another weekend trying to recuperate enough to go back to my germy little monsters on Monday.  They're so lucky I love them all! Do you think they would be offended if I wore a surgical mask during group?

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

Feeling Better Until...

I called the orthopedist Monday to see if I could get an appointment.  After 4 weeks at the chiropractor I was starting to get new pains.  I went in with lower back pain and ended up with neck and middle back pains.  I was getting headaches every time he did an adjustment to my neck. 

My regular orthopedist couldn't fit me in until December 13th.  When I told the receptionist about my back and neck pain, she said they just added a new partner who was a spine specialist. I talked to his receptionist and was able to schedule an appointment for this coming Wednesday (thank goodness I'm on Thanksgiving break and don't have to take another day off).  She also told me to stop going to the chiropractor until they could determine if I had any other problems.

So after a week away from the chiropractor I was starting to feel better and was looking forward to a fun filled weekend until....

Yep a cold front moved into my desert city bringing rain, sleet, and temperatures in the 30s.  All week long we had weather in the 70s, and then Friday morning it got cold and windy.  By Friday afternoon it had dropped into the mid 40s.  Since yesterday it hasn't gotten above 37 degrees.  So of course everything hurts again.  Luckily by tomorrow this cold front will move out of the area, and things will warm up some. 

Hopefully things get better soon, I'm hosting Thanksgiving! My mom's entire family is coming into town (all 39 of us in my house).  Going to be a fun filled stress free week! NOT!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

To Park or Not to Park! Now that is truly the question!

 

Living with a chronic illness is bad enough, but living with an invisible chronic illness is horrible beyond words.  

I recently got my permanent disabled parking plates for my vehicle.  I often feel guilty using them because of the looks people give me when I get out of my truck.  You know the look?  The "how dare you park there when you are obviously healthy" look.   The look that makes you want to start limping and dragging your leg as you walk.  The look that makes you want to explain why you dare to park in that sacred space. The look that makes you want to scream "I dare to park here because I hurt all over, my feet feel like they're on fire and I'm walking on glass, my lower back and neck feel like someone is stabbing me constantly, and my head feels like it's about to explode!"  

Yes I look normal! I don't look like I fall under the permanently disabled category! In fact there are days when I don't use the spaces provided, but I'm so happy they are there when I need them.  Please quit looking at me as if I'm doing something wrong.  

I think that the fact that the signs have a wheelchair on them doesn't help those of us with an invisible illness.  Most people see those signs and think only those in a wheelchair should be allowed to park there.  Even my plates have the wheelchair symbol on them.  I think if they changed the signs to something like this:

Warning! Pain All Over!

people might be more compassionate to those of us with an invisible illness.  I'm just saying! So for now I will try not to feel guilty when I use that space.  Maybe I'll print my drawing (I never claimed to be an artist), turn it into a magnetic sign, an put it on the back of my truck!  Think people will get the hint?

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

Rude Awakenings!

photo courtesy of: http://ic.steadyhealth.com/leg_cramps_and_potassium.html

muchphoto courtesy of : http://diabetes.webmd.com/ss/slideshow-what-your-feet-say

There is nothing worse than being woken up in the middle of the night with a Charley Horse Leg Cramp.  I'm sure everyone has had a couple of these in their lifetimes right?  Well early this morning I was not woken up by a Charley Horse in my calf, I was woken up with Charley Horses in both calves and the toes of both feet.  Talk about rude awakenings!

For about 2 minutes (though it seemed like a lot longer) I tried to relax my muscles and not tense up.  I have learned from the past that stretching out my muscles only makes the cramps worse, and that the best thing I can do is to try breathing through the pain until the cramp subsides.  This is not always the easiest thing to do, but I always manage.

I have never had both legs cramp up at the same time, and I never in my life had my toes cramp up.  My toes were bent in some very weird positions.  If it hadn't hurt so much I might have found it amusing.  My legs and my toes are sore today, but at least they don't look funny anymore!  I'm guessing that I'm dehydrated and low on potassium, so lots of water and bananas for me today.  Only problem is, I can't eat bananas by themselves (the scent of the banana is too strong for me and makes me gag), so I guess I will have to sacrifice and have a banana split! Oh Darn!

Photo Courtesy of: http://www.baskinrobbinsmea.com/

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

What Do You Mean You're Taking A Few Days Off?

I called my rheumy today to confirm my appointment for this Saturday.  I've been looking forward to this appointment for about a month now since I've been in flare up mode.  Well apparently my doctor has decided to take a very long weekend (Friday-Monday) and now my appointment has been moved to the 22nd.  TWO MORE WEEKS!

I understand my doctor probably needs a vacation since he is the only fibro specialist in the city, but not when I'm in flare up! I know I'm being selfish, but I'm tired of walking around like I'm an 80 year old (no offense to the very active 80 year olds who can out walk me right now) instead of like the 46 year old I am now!

Hopefully the nurse heard the desperation in my voice and will be able to squeeze me in sooner, but the odds are slim.  So for now I will push myself to make it through the school day, and relax with my heating pad and tens unit when I get home.  Two more weeks! I can make it!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

Trying Not To Stress, but...

it's hard not to do when you know you're hubby might not get paid for awhile.  My Babe unfortunately is a federal employee who has to go to work each day while knowing he is not going to get a paycheck until government decides to get their act together and come to some kind of understanding.  This whole thing is a mess.  Right now the republicans are on my last nerve (which are shooting me some serious pain).  I think Jon Stewart sums up my feelings best:

It's bad enough that the shutdown is affecting my personal life, but it has also crept into my teaching life.  I have been teaching Point of View and was going to show my kids the classic story of the 3 little pigs from the Library of Congress.  I press the bookmark I had saved and this was the message I received:

A Note to loc.gov Users
Due to the temporary shutdown of the federal government, the Library websites, except the legislative information sites THOMAS.gov and beta.congress.gov, are currently unavailable!

WTF! I was so mad! Luckily I found a different website that had a version of the story (though not the one I wanted) to teach my lesson. I guess the Library of Congress finally realized how silly they were being and have restored the website (The Library has restored access to all sites in addition to our legislative information sites. Other legislative branch agencies, and many executive branch agencies with information functions similar to the Library, are granting public access as well.)  Too bad my lesson is over!

So my flare up is continuing into it's 4th week now.  I really need some kind of relief soon.  Have my rheumy appointment next week.  Hope he can help with this flare.  For now I will try not to stress over how we are going to pay our bills and feed our family.  Luckily our mortgage company is working with us for now.

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

Aw Man!

Woke up this morning to crusty eyes, and thought maybe, just maybe, my allergies were going haywire and things were backing up into my eyes.  Put in my eyedrops, used my nose spray, took my allergy meds, and went to work.  I made sure not to touch my eyes all day, and by the end of the day the pain and itchy were starting to drive me crazy.  Went to the school nurse who thought it might be allergies also, but decided I should go to the district's wellness clinic just to be on the safe side!

In case you couldn't guess from my wonderful attempt at humor by photograph, I have pink eyes.  Yes eyes as in plural, both eyes!  Can't believe my luck! Had to come home and wash my bedding and towels, wipe down everything I have touched in the last 24 hours, and call in a substitute because I can't go to work for 24 hours! Luckily I have the greatest colleagues who will make sure my sub has things to do with my students tomorrow.

So tomorrow I get to rest and relax and worry that my kids are falling behind schedule because I'm out another day! Now if I could just figure out which one of my little darlings gave me pink eyes! Hmmmmm!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

Oh What Fun it's Been! NOT!

The last several months have not been pleasant! School was fine, but very stressful, and I couldn't wait for Spring Break to arrive.  I was looking forward to some family time and a dose rest and relaxation!  Spring Break was great! We went up to the mountains and rented a cabin.  Just the 4 of us enjoying time away from everything. We went walking around the small town, we rode the go carts, we played board games, and we just enjoyed time being a family.  THEN WE CAME HOME!

We came home late Saturday afternoon (March 23), unpacked, ate some dinner, then chilled until bedtime.  I woke up the next morning to get ready for church and realized I was short of breath every time I walked from one place to another.  I went to church and continued with the shortness of breath. I decided to go to an Urgent Care Clinic close to our house since it was Sunday, and after an x-ray they said I had pneumonia.  Gave me a couple of shots, some antibiotics, and said I could probably return to work by Wednesday.  I returned to work on Wednesday, and by lunch time I knew I wasn't going to make it through the rest of the week.  My doctor was out of town and couldn't see me until Monday.  By Sunday I started getting chest pains, and returned to the Urgent Care Clinic.  They took more x-rays and did an EKG. They determined the pneumonia was still there, but they were worried about my EKG and sent me to the emergency room.

The doctor's at the emergency room did a full work up (including a CT Scan) and couldn't find anything wrong with me.   They said they didn't find any pneumonia, and my heart seemed fine.  They did recommend that I go see a cardiologist since they couldn't explain the chest pain. This is where everything started going down hill.

I saw the cardiologist who then scheduled me for all sorts of tests and sent me to a pulmonary doctor.  Between the 2 doctors, I had every test known to man done on me.  I was poked, prodded, and scanned until I thought I would glow in the dark from all the radioactive material they kept putting into my body.  The only thing the 2 of them could agree on was that my oxygen levels dropped when I walked (I now have an oxygen tank I have to lug around), and a couple of my labs were elevated (probably due to the fibromyalgia).  By now it was the middle of June and we still didn't have a solution.  I convinced my cardiologist to refer me to the Mayo Clinic. They accepted and we headed off to Arizona on June 23rd!

Luckily for us, my brother and his family live about 20 miles away from the Clinic so we had a place to stay.  The 4 of us and my parents quickly settled in for our stay with my brother, sister-in-law, and 2 nieces.  We were a very cozy 10 people. Fortunately for us we are a very close family, which came in handy since we ended up staying for a whopping 16 days!  I spent every day (except weekends) getting poked, prodded, and scanned again!  I was bounced back and forth between the pulmonary doctor, the cardiologist, and the heart surgeon. 

Turns out I have a small hole in my heart (5 mm) that allows blood to go from the right upper chamber to the left upper chamber whenever I bear down, sneeze, cough, or hold my breath.  Apparently the blood is supposed to go into the right upper chamber, then out again and around to the lungs.  They aren't going to fix the hole, because  they say it would be more dangerous to go in than to leave it alone.  Besides, they said this wasn't the cause of my shortness of breath because I was born with this hole.  They did put me on aspirin so that I can keep from developing any clots.  So now anytime I sneeze, cough, or bear down I can picture the blood rushing to the left chamber. GOOD TIMES!

After 16 days, the only thing they could come up with was that I had asthma! Seriously! ASTHMA! My local doctors couldn't figure that out? Man they suck!  So it was time to head home! The good thing to come out of this trip was the fact that we spent a lot of time together.  We celebrated the 4th of July and my birthday while we were there, and spent a lot of time talking and laughing.

I'm back home now, and have been to the allergist.  They have done my allergy testing (I'm allergic to every tree and piece of grass in my town), and I am scheduled to begin my allergy shots next week.  I now have my inhaler, and the doctor thinks I should be able to walk without the oxygen sometime in the next 6 weeks.

Needless to say, by the time I go back to work next month my Spring Break will have lasted 5 months! I have definitely gotten my share of rest and relaxation.  Most of my teacher friends are dreading the summer coming to an end already, but I can't wait to go back to work. So happy this nightmare is finally coming to an end! 

Gentle Hugs!

Hate Migraines!

I got another migraine on Friday which lasted through the weekend.  I went to my doctor on Monday who gave me a massive dose of toradol right in my tushy, and finally woke up Tuesday with a clear head.  Went to a local football game last night where I lost my footing and whacked the daylight out of both my knees on the bleachers, so I'm wobbling today! Being clumsy is going to be the death of me! :-)

Well that's all I have for this week! Hope everyone has a great, pain free week!

Gentle Hugs!
Bonnie

Another Migraine!

Got another migraine on Wednesday! Can't figure out why I have managed to get migraines 2 weeks in a row.  I checked my food diary to see if I could find any commonalities that might be the cause, but nothing was out of the ordinary.

I'm starting to get a sore throat which is not making me happy at all! My oldest son had strep throat last Monday, so I'm hoping I'm not coming down with that!

Speaking of my oldest son, he had all district competition this week for choir.  He didn't think he would do that well since his throat was still hurting due to the strep.  There were 26 Tenor Twos competing for 10 chairs, and Spencer placed 4th chair.  Not bad considering he was under the weather.  He also qualified for the honor choir which is made up of the best of the best in the district! Very proud of my Spencer!

Well, we shall see how this week goes.  Hopefully my throat starts to feel better.  I have already missed 2 days of work (I only get 12 days for the school year) due to migraines, and 1 day due to a major flare up.  At this rate, I'll be out of days before February.  Out of days means I get docked for every day missed (about $250 per day).

Hope everyone has a great week!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

Now What!

I have been having some serious pain in my left ear, and finally went to the doctor thinking it was an ear infection.  Well my ears were fine, but apparently my TMJ is in serious overdrive.

I have always had popping in my right jaw when I ate, but my left side has never bothered me.  Well apparently my left side has decided to join the party.  My doctor said my jaw was all over the place and sent me to the dentist.

Since we changed insurance companies, I had to get a new dentist (which was fine, because I didn't really like my previous dentist).  Well as soon as I told him the problem, he stood behind me and barely touched both sides of my jaw and said "yep, you have severe TMJ."  So he took ex-rays, moved it around a bit, and told me whoever my orthodontist was when I was a teenager was a severe idiot! 

I have a severe overbite if I try to clench my jaw together (which I hardly ever do), and he said that was something they should have taken care of when I had my braces.  Apparently since my jaw is misaligned, that is what is causing the TMJ.  My hubby and I were in a minor car accident in July, and I told my dentist I saw it coming so I closed my eyes and waited.  Well he figures I probably also clenched my teeth (which I can't remember doing or not doing), and this is what probably caused the left side to start hurting. 

So now he's talking braces again to align my jaw, a specially molded for my face night guard to keep me from clenching while I sleep, and the usually cleaning.  I'm so far looking at about $4000.00 out of pocket unless they can convince the insurance that this is not for cosmetic reasons!  If the insurance won't approve it, my dentist is nice enough to offer a payment plan!

If it's not one thing it's another!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie