Could Life Be Anymore Stressful? (Done in my Chandler voice from Friends)

Trying to keep my flares at bay is not an easy thing when life throws a lot of stress your way.  I'm still trying to deal with the fact that my son is leaving in exactly one month.  I am still very proud of him and wished I had the guts he has when I was his age.

My boys at Shane's 11th Birthday Dinner!

That stress is bad enough, but I'm worried about my cousin who has "Stage  2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma Breast Cancer (that means while the cancer started in a duct, the cancer cells have moved outside the duct-that is what makes it invasive."

My cousin is only a year younger than me, but she is one of the strongest women I know.  She lives quite a distance away from the rest of the family, but has her husband, children, and her brother and sister and their families with her.  I support every decision she makes and I know that her faith will pull her through this.  I believe she will win this war, but it's still hard not to worry about her and what she is going through.  I didn't know how to support her from so far away, and then it hit me.  I bought what I call my "Supporting Lolita" outfit to wear on Fridays, and I got a new tattoo in her honor and for those who have gone through this horrible disease (personally or as a support system).

I also got it for my Grandma Raquel who passed away when I was 18 from complications due to bone cancer.  She was diagnosed when I was 3 and told she had only 6 months to live.  She fought for 15 years because she was determined to see me graduate from high school.  She was bedridden when I graduated, but video cameras had just come out so my parents rented one so they could tape it for her.  She lasted 2 months after my graduation and made me promise I wouldn't get married until I graduated from college.  Her strength was incredible also!

  

My body has been nice to me during this time, but we are also getting ready for the state exam at the end of the month.  I have several students who I worry about.  I have been working with these kids everyday (including Saturdays), and yet nothing seems to be working.  I have seen a few light bulbs come on, but several that remain dim.  I know they can do it, but trying to convince them of that is another story.  I hate this test and I truly don't think it's fair to put this much pressure on an 11 year old.  I also don't think that many of our people in charge (our Governor for example) could pass this test.

Oh,  and to add to the stress, we decided to adopt a puppy yesterday for my youngest son.  A very huge 10 month old puppy who weighs 81 pounds.  He's a Black Lab/Newfoundland mix and is the sweetest dog ever. He is also very active and wants to eat everything in sight.  Our yorkie seems to be okay with him unless he jumps up on one of us and then he goes into overprotective mode.  What Willy doesn't seem to understand is that Dante outweighs him by 70 pounds.  So far Dante just looks at Willy when he tries snapping at him.  Hopefully Willy realizes we're not in danger and just chills out.  Shane loves his new dog, but they are going to doggy school during Spring Break because right now Dante takes Shane for a walk instead of the other way around.

Shane and Dante

Dante and Willy

Stress be damned, I will deal with whatever pain Fibro throws my way and get through the next few months.  I will handle my son leaving, I will continue believing in my cousin, I will get my kids through this stupid test, and I'll make sure Dante doesn't eat Willy.  I pity the flare that tries to get in my way.  Ain't nobody got time for that! :-)

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

P.S.  Did you notice I've lost 29 pounds! WooHoo! That has helped with some of my pain, and I have a little more energy.

Oops!

I woke up yesterday in serious pain.  I had fallen asleep Friday night watching TV and my hubby decided to let me sleep instead of waking me up to go to bed.  He thought he was doing me a favor, but I ended up not taking my meds before bedtime.  When I woke up yesterday, I immediately went to take my morning meds and realized I didn't take my Friday morning pills. Explains the pain!

I guess I was so excited that Friday was our last day of school before Winter Break, taking my meds completely slipped my mind.  I just wanted to get to work and get the day over with as quickly as possible.  Boy am I paying for that now!  I spent all day yesterday hoping the meds would start working, but no such luck.  Today is a little better than yesterday.  I'm hoping by tomorrow the pain will be back into the manageable range.

On the brighter side of things, I have all my Christmas shopping finished.  I did it all online this year. I usually end up waiting until the last minute which causes severe stress and major flares.  This year I finally got smart and realized I could get everything I needed online.  Now I'm just waiting for the last of the packages to arrive.  They are all supposed to be delivered by Tuesday, so I'm not going to stress until Wednesday if they haven't been delivered yet.

Think I'll take a nap now and see if I can get rid of my headache!

Gentle Hugs to All!
Bonnie

I'm Back!

Hello all,

I know it's been awhile, but I just got really lazy this summer and decided to take a computer break.  I actually had a great summer.  First summer in years where neither my hubby nor I ended up in the hospital for some kind of illness or surgery.

Our summer started with a whirlwind trip to East Coast for Memorial Weekend.  We actually went for a 30th birthday party for a girl I worked with one on one for 2 years when she was in elementary school.  I taught her life skills and she became a very important child in my life.  She taught me patience and tolerance, and I thank her for making me the teacher I am today.  Her birthday was a very special one because she only had a life expectancy of 25 years.

Her parents threw her a major party at the Baltimore Orioles stadium.  Since we were going for her birthday, my hubby and I decided to make it a family vacation.  My oldest was born in Columbia, MD and we wanted him to see where he spent the first 2 years of his life.  My youngest is a history buff, so we spent a day in DC, and then we all decided that a quick trip to NYC was in order.  I was exhausted by the time we got home and had to take an extra day off to sleep.  I was able to keep my fibro pain at bay with a lot of pain medication.  I hurt, but I wanted to make new memories for my boys.

We went to AZ in July to visit my brother and his family.  We spent a week there celebrating both the 4th of July and my birthday.  We went kayaking one day, and I actually managed pretty well.  I couldn't move my arms the next day, but well worth the pain.  Both my boys and hubby also had a blast kayaking.

I spent the rest of the summer just hanging out with my youngest.  We chilled, went to the movies, and just enjoyed our summer.  I hardly saw my oldest because he was always out with his boyfriend.  Now that school is starting and he has a job, we might see him every once in awhile.  Luckily for him we love his boyfriend, and they come and hang out at the house when they're broke.

I went back to work on Monday the 18th.  Trainings and getting my room back in order was exhausting, but I look forward to meeting my new 5th graders and having another fun year.

Finally, I went and got my hair done for the new school year.  Last year I went with purple highlights.  This year I decided to add purple and teal highlights.  I love my new color.  It makes me happy!

Last August

Anyway, hope every one is doing fine and the pain is manageable.  I hope everyone enjoyed their summer as much as I did.

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

The Pitfalls of Being a Teacher!

I love being a teacher. I have loved it for the last 17 years. The only problem is, I catch every thing that comes into my class.  Since I'm the reading teacher, I work with small guided reading groups throughout the day to help my students who just quite aren't where they need to be when it comes to reading and comprehension. 

Not my table, but it works for my post!

Now as you can see from the picture, I am no more than 2 or 3 feet away from my students.  I meet with 5 different groups during the day.  It never fails, at least 2 of them are sniffling, sneezing, or coughing.  It's quite disgusting. I keep tissues and hand sanitizer handy, but how do you control the germs when they don't cover their mouths.  You would think that by 5th grade they would know how to do this, but I still have to remind them everyday. I have to wipe down my table with chlorox wipes between every group. 

I had built up my immunities over the years, but since my fibro diagnoses my immune system seems to be shot.  So now I get to spend yet another weekend trying to recuperate enough to go back to my germy little monsters on Monday.  They're so lucky I love them all! Do you think they would be offended if I wore a surgical mask during group?

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

Get the Fire Extinguisher!

photo courtesy of http://www.hallmark.com/online/maxine/crabby-road/

I need to make an appointment to see my ob/gyn.  I haven't seen him in 8 years (but I do have an annual exam with my GP every year so I'm not neglecting my body) since he performed my partial hysterectomy after Shane was born.  I've been getting hot flashes for about a year now, but they are happening more frequently.   This morning I woke up with severe pain in my right ovary.  I'm afraid it may be time to remove the ovaries and start the hormones (my poor guys). 

I live in a house full of men who don't seem to understand why I would possibly want the air conditioning going when they are freezing.  The 9 year old doesn't protest too much, he's very hot blooded, so it really doesn't bother him, but the 18 year old and my hubby act like I've set the temperature to North Pole Settings!

I had a hot flash yesterday morning at work that actually had my colleagues concerned.  I started sweating profusely and apparently my face became really red.  One of my colleagues did the mommy touch to see if I had a fever, but she said I was cool and clammy (ewwww).  It lasted about an hour, and then it left just as quickly as it arrived.  I had a couple more episodes throughout the day, but they only lasted 10 to 15 minutes. 

I'm in the middle of a serious hot flash as I type this, and wish the air would kick on again.  I'd get up and mess with the thermostat, but it hurts when I walk (darn ovary). Oh wait, it just kicked on again (yay me).   So for now my men must freeze.  I told them it was easier for them to layer, than for me to strip down (wouldn't want to traumatize my boys).  Thank goodness they all love me very much!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

P.S. Darn air conditioning turned off again! :-(

What Do You Mean You're Taking A Few Days Off?

I called my rheumy today to confirm my appointment for this Saturday.  I've been looking forward to this appointment for about a month now since I've been in flare up mode.  Well apparently my doctor has decided to take a very long weekend (Friday-Monday) and now my appointment has been moved to the 22nd.  TWO MORE WEEKS!

I understand my doctor probably needs a vacation since he is the only fibro specialist in the city, but not when I'm in flare up! I know I'm being selfish, but I'm tired of walking around like I'm an 80 year old (no offense to the very active 80 year olds who can out walk me right now) instead of like the 46 year old I am now!

Hopefully the nurse heard the desperation in my voice and will be able to squeeze me in sooner, but the odds are slim.  So for now I will push myself to make it through the school day, and relax with my heating pad and tens unit when I get home.  Two more weeks! I can make it!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

Trying Not To Stress, but...

it's hard not to do when you know you're hubby might not get paid for awhile.  My Babe unfortunately is a federal employee who has to go to work each day while knowing he is not going to get a paycheck until government decides to get their act together and come to some kind of understanding.  This whole thing is a mess.  Right now the republicans are on my last nerve (which are shooting me some serious pain).  I think Jon Stewart sums up my feelings best:

It's bad enough that the shutdown is affecting my personal life, but it has also crept into my teaching life.  I have been teaching Point of View and was going to show my kids the classic story of the 3 little pigs from the Library of Congress.  I press the bookmark I had saved and this was the message I received:

A Note to loc.gov Users
Due to the temporary shutdown of the federal government, the Library websites, except the legislative information sites THOMAS.gov and beta.congress.gov, are currently unavailable!

WTF! I was so mad! Luckily I found a different website that had a version of the story (though not the one I wanted) to teach my lesson. I guess the Library of Congress finally realized how silly they were being and have restored the website (The Library has restored access to all sites in addition to our legislative information sites. Other legislative branch agencies, and many executive branch agencies with information functions similar to the Library, are granting public access as well.)  Too bad my lesson is over!

So my flare up is continuing into it's 4th week now.  I really need some kind of relief soon.  Have my rheumy appointment next week.  Hope he can help with this flare.  For now I will try not to stress over how we are going to pay our bills and feed our family.  Luckily our mortgage company is working with us for now.

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

My Get Up and Go has Got Up and Went!

This is definitely me!

My body has been in flare up mode ever since the rainy week we had.  It's been almost 3 weeks and the pain seems to be getting worse not better.  I feel bad because I'm conserving what energy I have to make it to work everyday.  Anyone who teaches can tell you that it is not a sit around and relax kind of job.  I get home so exhausted and in so much pain that I just change into my jammies and climb into bed.

Luckily for me I have the best hubby in the world.  He knows I'm hurting and he takes care of me and the boys.  I know it hard for him sometimes having to be the one that takes care of everything, and I feel guilty that I have to rely on him so much. 

The problem is, that I don't have the energy to do anything with him or the boys on weekends.  My feet, back, shoulders, and head hurt so much that I just want to sleep my weekends away.  My parents don't understand what I'm feeling.  My mother is constantly at me to just get up and deal with the pain.  My dad thinks the solution is to just get on the treadmill and everything will be alright! I know my boys wish I could do more with them, but they know how much I hurt.

I have an appointment to see my rheumatologist in 2 weeks, and I'm going to ask him to refer me to a local physical therapy place that deals with fibro.  They have aqua therapy, massage therapy, plus exercises and yoga.  I'm hoping that they will help with some of my pain issues.  It might also be time to adjust or change my medications.  I have hydrocodone for when the pain gets to the unbearable stage, but I try not to use it that often.  I have an addictive personality, and the last thing I need is to become addicted to pain killers.

So for now I will rest and recover and ignore my parents (I know they love me and mean well).  I will continue to lean on my best friend and hope that I don't end up pushing him to his breaking point.

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

Grown Up Time!

I'm feeling good this weekend, only have a few aches and pains, and the hubby and I are going out tonight!  It's my aunts birthday this week, and we are celebrating by going out to dinner and then to the local comedy club with her and her hubby and my parents.  It's so nice having an 18 year old who can take care of his 9 year old brother so we can have a night out.  This is one good reason for having children so far apart in age. 

I'm going to spend the day relaxing and resting.  I don't want to do anything that is going to prevent me from going out tonight.  I have been looking forward to this all week.  I know my aunt is going to be resting also since she is a fellow fibro warrior.  I know she's been hurting a lot lately because of our crazy weather.

On a totally different note, I developed a new symptom yesterday.  We were having professional development in the gym (which is really hot and humid because of the swamp coolers), and my principal decided to be nice by bringing in fans to cool us down.  Well he set up one of the fans right behind me which felt great at first.  About 30 minutes later, my shoulder really started to ache.  Thirty minutes after that it really started to hurt.  I've never had pain due to temperature changes.  I hope this isn't something that is going to start affecting me all the time.

Anyway, hope everyone has a great weekend!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

Heartbroken!

I found out today that a former student of mine passed away last week.  I was told that he either accidentally overdosed or took his own life.  Either way it's a tragedy! I'm completely heartbroken over the way his life turned out.  He was only 20 years old and will never know what life had in store for him.  Please keep him and his family in your prayers.

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

Aw Man!

Woke up this morning to crusty eyes, and thought maybe, just maybe, my allergies were going haywire and things were backing up into my eyes.  Put in my eyedrops, used my nose spray, took my allergy meds, and went to work.  I made sure not to touch my eyes all day, and by the end of the day the pain and itchy were starting to drive me crazy.  Went to the school nurse who thought it might be allergies also, but decided I should go to the district's wellness clinic just to be on the safe side!

In case you couldn't guess from my wonderful attempt at humor by photograph, I have pink eyes.  Yes eyes as in plural, both eyes!  Can't believe my luck! Had to come home and wash my bedding and towels, wipe down everything I have touched in the last 24 hours, and call in a substitute because I can't go to work for 24 hours! Luckily I have the greatest colleagues who will make sure my sub has things to do with my students tomorrow.

So tomorrow I get to rest and relax and worry that my kids are falling behind schedule because I'm out another day! Now if I could just figure out which one of my little darlings gave me pink eyes! Hmmmmm!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

My Eyes!

Ever since I was diagnosed with Fibro, I've noticed a major decrease in my vision.  I've been to the ophthalmologist who tells me my vision isn't changing, and my problems are probably caused by my medications and sleep problems.

Great, so my options are to quit my medications, or learn to deal with the blur!  I can't seem to fix my sleep problems, and I'd rather see things a little blurry than always be in pain. The good thing is they usually don't start getting fuzzy until late afternoon or early evening.  Depends on how much time I've spent reading (which is a lot especially since I'm a reading teacher), on the computer, or how little sleep I got the night before.

Today I am having an especially hard time with my vision (thank goodness for little red squiggly lines that tell me if I've spelled something wrong), and have tried the Visine already..  I spent the morning working on lesson plans, so I know why my eyes are so fuzzy today.

I really don't want to take a nap because then I won't be able to sleep tonight and will start all over with this issue tomorrow.

I wish they had a medication that took the blur away!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

My Body Knows!

It seems like my body knows that I must get through the work week with as little pain as possible, but it seems to want to make up for the week on weekends.  I had minimal pain all week, but this morning I woke up and I can hardly move my arms because my shoulders and neck are killing me.  I also have a monster headache, but after almost 30 years of monster headaches I can deal with those.  My feet feel like I'm walking on shards of glass!

I'm glad I didn't have this pain during the week, but I would like a weekend off every once in awhile. I guess my brain and body know that I need every bit of strength and energy to get through my days, but it is wreaking havoc with my weekends.  I seem to spend my Saturdays trying to recuperate and recharge for the next work week.  This wouldn't be so bad, except it takes time away from my family.  I feel guilty for not wanting to do anything on Saturdays because I hurt so much, but luckily for me I live with a wonderful group of guys who pamper me and understand what I'm going through. 

I love being a teacher, and all that it entails. I love seeing the faces of my students when the light bulb goes on.  From the moment I step into the building until I get back into my car, I'm going nonstop! I don't think I could effectively do my job if I had the pain I have today.  It's bad enough the fibro fog hits at the most inopportune times, but my kids usually can figure out what I'm trying to say or what I was trying to write when it hits. 

This first week back wasn't too bad, and the fibro fog was pretty mellow until yesterday.  I think by yesterday I was exhausted from the week and my brain was acting pretty loopy. The great thing about teaching 5th graders is that they are quick to pick up on a spelling mistake or a misspoken word.  They are not obnoxious about correcting me, and I've learned to make it a game by telling them I was trying to see if they were paying attention.  Other times I'll blame it on a lack of coffee.  Either one usually works, and we have a good laugh about it!

So today I will rest up and conserve my energy.  Luckily it's a 3 day weekend which will allow me to spend extra time with my guys. I've taken my meds and the dreaded pain pill (which I hate taking unless absolutely necessary), and I will nap! Today is a me day!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

What a Great Day!

I was so happy to see all my new students today! I teach 3 Reading/Language Arts classes, and I really have to say that all 3 classes were wonderful.  I didn't have any trouble with my breathing (remembered to use my inhaler this time), and made it through the day with only minor aches and pains.

All ready for work!

Today was also my oldest son's first day of college! I can't believe my little guy is a young man now! I'm so proud of him.

Spencer first day of college!

Spencer through the years!

The only part of my day that wasn't great was finding out that one of my students also suffers from fibromyalgia and migraines.  I feel his pain and wish I could take it from him.

I'm happy but exhausted! Going to sleep early so I'm ready for another great day!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

Headache Time!

Went to work today to get my classroom ready for the upcoming school year.  We go back on the 20th and get kids on the 26th.  This was my first time back to my classroom since getting sick in March, so I really wasn't sure what to expect.  My wonderful substitute packed up my room for me so I wouldn't have to worry about a thing.  He did an awesome job, so unpacking the room wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, plus I had 4 helpers with me.  My oldest son Spencer convinced his best friends Sarah and Marsha to come and help, and then my dad dropped Shane off after he got out of school.

Best friends since 3rd Grade!

I took my oxygen tank with me just in case I needed it, but I only needed to use my inhaler to keep me going.  I did end up with a monster headache, and several parts of my body seem to  be mad at me and are throbbing.  On the pain scale I would say I'm only about a 5. I'm taking it easy the rest of the night so that I can go back tomorrow and finish up.  My helpers did all the heavy lifting and cleaning today, so I only have to put some things away.  Shouldn't take too long I hope!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

Exhausted!

Two days of trainings have left me worn out.  I'm hoping I can more energy by the time I officially go back to work on the 20th.  I need to start going to bed earlier (not always easy) and trying to get m 8 hours in.  I'm resting for a little while before I have to head out again to Shane's back to school orientation and meet the teacher night at his school.  Hopefully I don't fall asleep during the orientation. 

He's been going to the same private school since he was 2 years old, and the orientation never changes.  It's mandatory so every year we sit there and listen to same thing all over again.  I could do the orientation in my sleep (which might actually happen).

So off I go! I just wanted to check in just in case anyone cared!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

Not Always That Easy

I regularly get email updates from WebMD.  Depending on the title, I either delete it quickly or take a few minutes to read.  I got this email today:

12 Tips for Coping with Fibromyalgia

After reading this, my first thought was "Duh!"  Then I thought to myself "I really know I should be doing these things, but it's not always that easy!"  Let me break it down:

1. De-Stress: I'm married and have 2 sons! One son is looking for a job and getting ready to start college (stressed about the cost), the other son is obsessed with learning how to do tricks on his bike (emergency room anyone?).  I'm a teacher in a state that is big on assessments (nope, no stress there)!

2. Jot it Down: We all know about Fibro Fog. I try to jot things down, but then I forget what I wanted to jot down. I guess I could carry a small notebook around all the time.

3.  Exercise Regularly: No excuse, I just hate exercise! Guess I could dust off the treadmill and quit using it as a clothes hanger!

4. Do some serious soaking: This I can do, but I have to lock all doors to keep the children out (they always need something or want to talk when I want alone time, other than that they usually ignore me).

5. Reach for Decaf:  How about half and half? I really do like my morning coffee, and it's the only time I get any caffeine at all.

6.  Take some me time every day: see #4!

7.  Make Work Life Better:  Flexible planning? Hello? Teacher!

8.  Talk about it!: I definitely do this (my poor hubby)! Thank goodness for blogging!

9.  Just say NO!: This is hard when you get guilt from the person asking.  I'm getting better at it though!

10. Make Your Bedroom a Sleep Sanctuary: I like my TV and computer time! I don't know if I can give this up. Will have to sleep on it!

11. Keep a Daily Journal: Does blogging count?

12.  Join a Support Group: There are none in my city, and when I tried to start my own the only people who showed up were my family! After 4 months of this I gave up!

So, there you have it! 12 Tips for Coping! How do you do when it comes to this list?

Gentle Hugs!