Could Life Be Anymore Stressful? (Done in my Chandler voice from Friends)

Trying to keep my flares at bay is not an easy thing when life throws a lot of stress your way.  I'm still trying to deal with the fact that my son is leaving in exactly one month.  I am still very proud of him and wished I had the guts he has when I was his age.

My boys at Shane's 11th Birthday Dinner!

That stress is bad enough, but I'm worried about my cousin who has "Stage  2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma Breast Cancer (that means while the cancer started in a duct, the cancer cells have moved outside the duct-that is what makes it invasive."

My cousin is only a year younger than me, but she is one of the strongest women I know.  She lives quite a distance away from the rest of the family, but has her husband, children, and her brother and sister and their families with her.  I support every decision she makes and I know that her faith will pull her through this.  I believe she will win this war, but it's still hard not to worry about her and what she is going through.  I didn't know how to support her from so far away, and then it hit me.  I bought what I call my "Supporting Lolita" outfit to wear on Fridays, and I got a new tattoo in her honor and for those who have gone through this horrible disease (personally or as a support system).

I also got it for my Grandma Raquel who passed away when I was 18 from complications due to bone cancer.  She was diagnosed when I was 3 and told she had only 6 months to live.  She fought for 15 years because she was determined to see me graduate from high school.  She was bedridden when I graduated, but video cameras had just come out so my parents rented one so they could tape it for her.  She lasted 2 months after my graduation and made me promise I wouldn't get married until I graduated from college.  Her strength was incredible also!

  

My body has been nice to me during this time, but we are also getting ready for the state exam at the end of the month.  I have several students who I worry about.  I have been working with these kids everyday (including Saturdays), and yet nothing seems to be working.  I have seen a few light bulbs come on, but several that remain dim.  I know they can do it, but trying to convince them of that is another story.  I hate this test and I truly don't think it's fair to put this much pressure on an 11 year old.  I also don't think that many of our people in charge (our Governor for example) could pass this test.

Oh,  and to add to the stress, we decided to adopt a puppy yesterday for my youngest son.  A very huge 10 month old puppy who weighs 81 pounds.  He's a Black Lab/Newfoundland mix and is the sweetest dog ever. He is also very active and wants to eat everything in sight.  Our yorkie seems to be okay with him unless he jumps up on one of us and then he goes into overprotective mode.  What Willy doesn't seem to understand is that Dante outweighs him by 70 pounds.  So far Dante just looks at Willy when he tries snapping at him.  Hopefully Willy realizes we're not in danger and just chills out.  Shane loves his new dog, but they are going to doggy school during Spring Break because right now Dante takes Shane for a walk instead of the other way around.

Shane and Dante

Dante and Willy

Stress be damned, I will deal with whatever pain Fibro throws my way and get through the next few months.  I will handle my son leaving, I will continue believing in my cousin, I will get my kids through this stupid test, and I'll make sure Dante doesn't eat Willy.  I pity the flare that tries to get in my way.  Ain't nobody got time for that! :-)

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

P.S.  Did you notice I've lost 29 pounds! WooHoo! That has helped with some of my pain, and I have a little more energy.

I'm Back!

Hello all,

I know it's been awhile, but I just got really lazy this summer and decided to take a computer break.  I actually had a great summer.  First summer in years where neither my hubby nor I ended up in the hospital for some kind of illness or surgery.

Our summer started with a whirlwind trip to East Coast for Memorial Weekend.  We actually went for a 30th birthday party for a girl I worked with one on one for 2 years when she was in elementary school.  I taught her life skills and she became a very important child in my life.  She taught me patience and tolerance, and I thank her for making me the teacher I am today.  Her birthday was a very special one because she only had a life expectancy of 25 years.

Her parents threw her a major party at the Baltimore Orioles stadium.  Since we were going for her birthday, my hubby and I decided to make it a family vacation.  My oldest was born in Columbia, MD and we wanted him to see where he spent the first 2 years of his life.  My youngest is a history buff, so we spent a day in DC, and then we all decided that a quick trip to NYC was in order.  I was exhausted by the time we got home and had to take an extra day off to sleep.  I was able to keep my fibro pain at bay with a lot of pain medication.  I hurt, but I wanted to make new memories for my boys.

We went to AZ in July to visit my brother and his family.  We spent a week there celebrating both the 4th of July and my birthday.  We went kayaking one day, and I actually managed pretty well.  I couldn't move my arms the next day, but well worth the pain.  Both my boys and hubby also had a blast kayaking.

I spent the rest of the summer just hanging out with my youngest.  We chilled, went to the movies, and just enjoyed our summer.  I hardly saw my oldest because he was always out with his boyfriend.  Now that school is starting and he has a job, we might see him every once in awhile.  Luckily for him we love his boyfriend, and they come and hang out at the house when they're broke.

I went back to work on Monday the 18th.  Trainings and getting my room back in order was exhausting, but I look forward to meeting my new 5th graders and having another fun year.

Finally, I went and got my hair done for the new school year.  Last year I went with purple highlights.  This year I decided to add purple and teal highlights.  I love my new color.  It makes me happy!

Last August

Anyway, hope every one is doing fine and the pain is manageable.  I hope everyone enjoyed their summer as much as I did.

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

15 Days of Rest!

I am finally off for our winter break.  I don't have to go back to work until January 6th! Going to spend the next 2 weeks enjoying time with my boys and my hubby. I will not stress over the holidays like I did for Thanksgiving and end up in a major flare.

My hubby and my youngest went out and bought a monster tree for Christmas (13ft. Noble Fir).  It's finally up and the tree and house are decorated.  My hubby decorated the house yesterday during his day off so I wouldn't have to do it.  We all decorated the tree Thursday night.

I've decided that we will go to Christmas Eve service and then to my cousin's house for her annual Christmas Eve party.  Christmas Day will be spent at home with my guys.  I've invited my parents to come over and join us for breakfast and the opening of the gifts.  My mom is upset with me because I don't want to have a bigger family gathering and has said she will not be coming over.  She tried to give me guilt by saying "it's time to start your own family traditions."

I refused to be guilted into doing something I don't feel up to doing and told her the invitation was still on the table for her and my dad.  I also told my dad.  Whether they show up or not is entirely up to them.

 I'm going to enjoy my Christmas Break and rest up for the second half of the school year.  The second half is always the craziest because of statewide testing.

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

My Family!

My Grandfather with his children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and his great-great grandchildren!

My Silly Family!

These are the pictures my brother took on Thanksgiving of the 36 of us.  It took forever to get everyone organized and the little ones were getting restless.  After we took our family picture, we decided to do a silly picture of the kids.  I think we had more fun than the kids! Great memories!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

I SURVIVED! Sort of!

I SURVIVED!

After a horrible weekend due to the cold front, I felt really good on Monday.  I decided to take my little man Shane to the movies, then I had to go to a church council meeting, and finally I decided to go shopping.  I got home around 9:00 p.m. and was exhausted.

Tuesday I got up and cooked 2 turkeys, and made a double batch of my broccoli, rice and cheese casserole for our big family Thanksgiving/Family Reunion on Thursday.  I also did about 7 loads of laundry.  I still felt good, but my shoulders were a little sore.

Wednesday morning I went and picked up my mom around 8:15 so that we could go see the spine doctor (we both had appointments).  Doctor wants me to get an MRI and said I could go back to the chiropractor for now (yay me).  After our appointments my mom wanted to go to the mall to return some boots she had bought the day before.  We ended up getting makeovers (I got some makeup courtesy of my mom) and going to a late lunch.  After I dropped her off I headed to my nail appointment.  While I was there, my hubby called me and asked me to stop at the store and pick up some things we still needed for Thanksgiving.  I ended up getting home around 7:00 p.m. I was exhausted, a little more sore, but still moving.

Thursday 36 people (including my family) were crowded into my house for our first ever family reunion.  We hadn't all been together in over 13 years (see pictures on left sidebar).  My mom (the oldest sibling) called her other 3 siblings and told them that they needed to get all of their children and grandchildren to come down for Thanksgiving.  She didn't ask, she demanded!  My 89 year old grandfather was recently diagnosed with stage 4 skin cancer, and has decided he isn't going to get any treatments for it.  So my mom let everyone know that we may not have many more holidays with him.  So all 32 family members joined the 4 of us at my house for a wonderful day of love, laughter, and lots of memories.  I'm glad my body was still cooperating!

Friday and today I AM IN PAIN!!! My feet burn, my back is killing me, my shoulders feel like someone is stabbing me, and I have a monster headache!  The pain is worth the week I had.  I'm using the weekend to recuperate so that I'm work ready on Monday!

Hope everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving! I know I did!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

Happy Birthday Zoe!

My beautiful niece turns 12 today!  Hope she is having a great day!

Can't Believe He's 18!

Today is my oldest son's 18th birthday! It seems like only yesterday I was walking my millionth lap around the hospital floor trying to get him to cooperate and convince him that he was ready to leave the safety of my womb and face the real world. Now he's an 18 year old man getting ready to start college.  He decided that he wanted his own tattoos for his birthday, so I took him to the place where I got mine and watched as he did his first adult thing.  It was not easy to watch.

Here are his tattos:

"Like a diamond from black dust, 
it's hard to know what can become if you give up."

His dog Willy's actual paw print! 

We had a really great day celebrating his life! We are so proud of the young man he is becoming. We love you Spencer more than words could ever say!

My Family!

My Baby and I!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

My Husband

The man in my life is a very complicated person.  He was never the type of person who showed his emotions often.  He always kept everything in, and wouldn't share what he was feeling.  My father-in-law passed away 7 years ago from unnatural causes (can't get into it here, but it wasn't good).  My husband and his dad were really close when he was younger, but fell out of regular communication as he got older (living 2,000 miles apart didn't help).  When my father-in-law's wife (not my mother-in-law) called to give my husband the news, she was very callous about it.  She actually waited an entire day before she let anyone in the family know.  Anyway, as usual my husband kept his emotions inside, but it changed him.  He became a quieter, angry person.  It got to the point where I considered taking the kids and leaving if he didn't get some help. 

Getting help for him wasn't easy at first because he didn't want to accept that he needed it.  When he finally hit rock bottom (again not something I can share here), he realized for himself that he had to get help.  Once he got in touch with his anger, it was like a whole new person emerged.  He still tries to keep his emotions in check, but it's not always easy for him.

During his recovery period, I really began to feel the effects of the fibro.  At this point I didn't know I had fibro, but I knew something was wrong with me.  I have to say that even through his darkest period, my husband always put my needs first.  I knew it was hard dealing with my issues while trying to deal with his own issues, but he managed to do both without slipping back into that dark, angry person.  He kept me going when the depression set in, and helped me through it.

This past year was rough on him as I dealt with my latest health crisis, and his emotions actually got the best of him during this time.  It frustrated him that they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, and I think the thought of something possibly being wrong with my heart or lungs really freaked him out.  But once again he was my rock when I needed him the most. 

Anyway, my husband is no longer that person who can control his emotions so easily anymore.  Case in point, I made him a new profile picture for his facebook account last night.  I thought it would be nice to make a picture that included his grandfather (he passed away right before my oldest was born), his dad, him, and our two boys.  He became really emotional when he saw it, but it was a good emotional.  It's nice to know that he can see a picture of his dad now without going into his dark place.  Here's the picture I made him:

Grandpa Claude at top, Gene (FIL top left), Brian (top right), Spencer (bottom left) and Shane (bottom right)

Great Weekend/Big Pains!

My cousin and her 4 kids decided to come into town for a quick weekend visit on Friday.  I haven't seen her in over a year so I was happy she decided to come down.  Unfortunately, it had been raining for 2 days before her visit and continued to rain into yesterday.  I was hurting pretty bad, but didn't want that to ruin our visit so I "sucked it up" so to speak. 

It was a very loud couple of days (did I mention she has 4 kids and I have my 2).  The 5 youngest kids had a blast running around playing and screaming (her 2 youngest are 3 and 4).  I didn't mind the fact that they were having fun, and it did my heart good to see them connecting. It made my head throb, but I dealt with it.

We left the kids with Spencer last night to babysit and went to a birthday party for my friend's daughter.  After the party, we decided to drop Brian off at the house and headed out for a late night movie.  It seemed like everyone in the city was at the movies, so we had to park a little further than I would of liked.  Lugging my oxygen tank is always a pain, but I'm glad I had it because we also had to wait in line for about 30 minutes, and then we had to sit close to the top in order to find 2 seats together. 

They have gone home now, and I'm really hurting today, but it was worth the pain to see my cousin and her family!

Shaney and Bubba

 Spencer and Ammie

 Stasi and Theeny

 Me with my favorite cousin Christy!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

Oh What Fun it's Been! NOT!

The last several months have not been pleasant! School was fine, but very stressful, and I couldn't wait for Spring Break to arrive.  I was looking forward to some family time and a dose rest and relaxation!  Spring Break was great! We went up to the mountains and rented a cabin.  Just the 4 of us enjoying time away from everything. We went walking around the small town, we rode the go carts, we played board games, and we just enjoyed time being a family.  THEN WE CAME HOME!

We came home late Saturday afternoon (March 23), unpacked, ate some dinner, then chilled until bedtime.  I woke up the next morning to get ready for church and realized I was short of breath every time I walked from one place to another.  I went to church and continued with the shortness of breath. I decided to go to an Urgent Care Clinic close to our house since it was Sunday, and after an x-ray they said I had pneumonia.  Gave me a couple of shots, some antibiotics, and said I could probably return to work by Wednesday.  I returned to work on Wednesday, and by lunch time I knew I wasn't going to make it through the rest of the week.  My doctor was out of town and couldn't see me until Monday.  By Sunday I started getting chest pains, and returned to the Urgent Care Clinic.  They took more x-rays and did an EKG. They determined the pneumonia was still there, but they were worried about my EKG and sent me to the emergency room.

The doctor's at the emergency room did a full work up (including a CT Scan) and couldn't find anything wrong with me.   They said they didn't find any pneumonia, and my heart seemed fine.  They did recommend that I go see a cardiologist since they couldn't explain the chest pain. This is where everything started going down hill.

I saw the cardiologist who then scheduled me for all sorts of tests and sent me to a pulmonary doctor.  Between the 2 doctors, I had every test known to man done on me.  I was poked, prodded, and scanned until I thought I would glow in the dark from all the radioactive material they kept putting into my body.  The only thing the 2 of them could agree on was that my oxygen levels dropped when I walked (I now have an oxygen tank I have to lug around), and a couple of my labs were elevated (probably due to the fibromyalgia).  By now it was the middle of June and we still didn't have a solution.  I convinced my cardiologist to refer me to the Mayo Clinic. They accepted and we headed off to Arizona on June 23rd!

Luckily for us, my brother and his family live about 20 miles away from the Clinic so we had a place to stay.  The 4 of us and my parents quickly settled in for our stay with my brother, sister-in-law, and 2 nieces.  We were a very cozy 10 people. Fortunately for us we are a very close family, which came in handy since we ended up staying for a whopping 16 days!  I spent every day (except weekends) getting poked, prodded, and scanned again!  I was bounced back and forth between the pulmonary doctor, the cardiologist, and the heart surgeon. 

Turns out I have a small hole in my heart (5 mm) that allows blood to go from the right upper chamber to the left upper chamber whenever I bear down, sneeze, cough, or hold my breath.  Apparently the blood is supposed to go into the right upper chamber, then out again and around to the lungs.  They aren't going to fix the hole, because  they say it would be more dangerous to go in than to leave it alone.  Besides, they said this wasn't the cause of my shortness of breath because I was born with this hole.  They did put me on aspirin so that I can keep from developing any clots.  So now anytime I sneeze, cough, or bear down I can picture the blood rushing to the left chamber. GOOD TIMES!

After 16 days, the only thing they could come up with was that I had asthma! Seriously! ASTHMA! My local doctors couldn't figure that out? Man they suck!  So it was time to head home! The good thing to come out of this trip was the fact that we spent a lot of time together.  We celebrated the 4th of July and my birthday while we were there, and spent a lot of time talking and laughing.

I'm back home now, and have been to the allergist.  They have done my allergy testing (I'm allergic to every tree and piece of grass in my town), and I am scheduled to begin my allergy shots next week.  I now have my inhaler, and the doctor thinks I should be able to walk without the oxygen sometime in the next 6 weeks.

Needless to say, by the time I go back to work next month my Spring Break will have lasted 5 months! I have definitely gotten my share of rest and relaxation.  Most of my teacher friends are dreading the summer coming to an end already, but I can't wait to go back to work. So happy this nightmare is finally coming to an end! 

Gentle Hugs!

Migraine!

I was having a good fibro week until Wednesday when I got a migraine! I  stayed home Thursday to rest up, and that seemed to help with the migraine portion of the headache.  I still have a headache and my neck hurts, but at least it's manageable pain and not "leave me alone" pain! Anyhow, I feel better and am up and moving around.

Going to a movie today with my babe, and a spaghetti dinner my church is hosting with my family! Tomorrow I'm going to a comedy club with the Parental Units and my aunt and uncle.

Hope everyone has a great week! Until next time!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

I Admit It, I'm Spoiled!

My parents left town yesterday to attend a funeral in Colorado. They will not be back until Friday night.  My husband is also out of town at this time.  So right now it is just me and my boys. I realized just how spoiled I was yesterday morning when I had to get the boys up, fed, and ready for school. Not to mention making the little one's lunch and snack for school. I am so used to getting up, getting dressed, waking up the boys, and dropping them off with my dad. My dad then deals with breakfast, snacks, etc... Brian usually deals with after school pick up for the teenager since it's on his way home from work, which allows me to go home straight from work.  I really miss my family.

I admit it, I'm spoiled and I love it!

Weekend Fun!

Today has been a pretty good day. My headache is down to a dull ache, and my body isn't hurting too bad. I went and watched my boys bowl today (Spencer bowls with his grandpa and Shane bowls with his dad), and then we went to Bahama Bucks for some shaved ice. Not sure what the rest of the day is going to bring, but at least I'm up and around!

So hopefully the rest of the weekend goes smoothly!

Here I Go Again!

I use to have another blog that I was faithful to for a couple of years, and then I let life get in the way! Instead of continuing with my old blog, I decided it was time for a fresh start. So this blog will be about my very ordinary simple life! NOT! For those of you who know me, you know that my life has been anything but simple or ordinary lately!

How ordinary and simple can it be when you're the mother of two very active boys? My oldest son Spencer is 16 and junior in high school. He is very active in both theater and choir. He also recently got his driving permit and has given me quite a few gray hairs along the way. My youngest son Shane will be 8 in February. He is in second grade, and is very active in karate and gymnastics.

I've been married to my high school sweetheart for 20 years, but we have actually been together for 27 years. Brian is my best friend, and has been there for me through the good times and bad.

I have been a teacher for just over 14 years, and have loved it for the most part. I hate state mandated tests we have to give our students, but I'll save that for another post.

I was recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia after several months of suffering from unexplained pains. I was poked, prodded, xrayed, had CT scans and MRIs, bloodwork, and every other test they could think of giving me. It seemed like I was at the doctor's office every week, and they could never figure out what was causing all the problems. I was given shots, antibiotics, and antidepressants. Finally, my aunt (who also suffers from fibromyalgia) realized that many of my symptoms mimicked her symptoms. Well my doctor did a simple test, and after some new medications the pain is now manageable. I went from barely being able to move and suffering from migraine worthy headaches to being able to go out with my family and enjoying some kind of life again. I still have pains and a headache, but at least now I can deal with the pain.

I know that living with fibromyalgia is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life, but I plan on taking it one day at a time. I know some days will be better than others and that I will have to make some major life changes (diet and exercise), but I am up to the challenge!

So this my ordinary simple life in a nutshell!