Here I Go Again!

I had a major scare Saturday night while watching my youngest son play soccer.  He was playing in a tournament and the game started at 8:30 p.m.  Around 9:30 I got the worst pain in my head that I have ever gotten.  I'm used to headaches and migraines, but this was different.  It felt like someone had stuck a knife in the top front left side of my brain and decided to twist it and leave it there.

As you all know, getting strange pains is a normal part of our lives.  This pain was different! The lights and noise were unbearable, meanwhile I'm trying to keep my happy face on for my son who is still playing.  Finally around 9:45 the game was over and we got in the car for the 30 minute drive home.  I didn't want to scare my hubby or my 10 year old, so I just closed my eyes and pushed my head into the headrest to try and ease the pain.

Once we arrived home I decided to check my blood pressure and it was 167/111.  I finally let my hubby know what was happening and told him it was time for the ER.  I called my parents and asked them to meet us there so they could take Shane to their house.  My mom stayed with us, while my dad took Shane home.

We were at the ER from 11:00 to 3:30 the next morning.  They started me off on IV Toradol and something to help with the nausea I had developed.  After a couple of hours, my blood pressure had gone down just a tad, but the pain was still pretty bad.  They then added morphine and codeine to my IV and took me for a CT scan.  Finally the pain started to subside, and my blood pressure went back to semi-normal.  The CT came back fine (of course, because they always do), and they gave me a prescription for the Toradol and Tylenol with codeine and sent me on my merry way.  

The pain was back by 7:00 and the blood pressure was up again (though only 149/100).  I spent all of Sunday in bed under the blanket in praying that the meds would start working.  Finally on Monday my blood pressure was back to normal (110/76) and the pain was finally heading to being a regular every day type of headache.

While in the ER waiting for my parents, I could see how scared my little guy was, and all I could do was think about what would happen to him if I stroked out or had a heart attack.  So I made a decision that I was going to lose all the weight I have gained over the last few years, because I can't imagine leaving my husband, children and family.  I can't do that to them, and I can't do that to me.

So I've started a new weight loss program, and have already lost 5 pounds this week (mostly water weight).  I will be down to a healthier weight by the summer and I will get out there and play soccer with my son.  I want to be able to walk, run, and go places with my family.  Hopefully the weight loss will help with the Fibro pain (people are always telling me if I lose weight things will get better), but regardless of the Fibro I want to live a healthier life for my family (pain be damned)!

Gentle Hugs,

Bonnie

Is it Fibro or Something to Worry About?

Have you ever been faced with a new pain that has you thinking "should I worry about it, or should I just chalk it up to the fibro?"  Well it happens all the time to me, and I am not a fan of the guessing game!

I started having sharp pains in my chest a couple of weeks ago.  Nothing major, just a sharp jab and then it would go away.  This would happen every once in awhile with no clear pattern.  Then last weekend it started happening more often.  It hurt when I would bend over, cough, sneeze, take a deep breath, and it also hurt to the touch.  So I'm thinking Fibro because of the fact that it hurt to touch it.

I finally decide I better call and make an appointment to see the doctor.  Everybody else wants me to go to the emergency room.  I try to explain how many times I've been to the ER only to be told they can't find anything wrong with me, and how it gets embarrassing after awhile.  So I opt out of the ER and wait for my appointment.  I figure it's not my heart since that has been checked out every which way possible during the whole "I can't breathe" episode last year.

So I go to the doctor, and he agrees it's not my heart.  After checking everything else, it turns out I have an infection in my lung.  The lung is slightly swollen which is pushing on the rib cage thus causing the pain when I touch my chest (that is Fibro related).  He gave me a big ole shot, and put me on a methylprednisolone dospak (21 pills in 6 days).  The pain is gone, the breathing is easier, and I can sneeze and cough without pain.  Of course you also have to deal with the side effects: can't sleep, serious dry mouth, my eyes are blurrier than usual, and my face is extra puffy!

I'm glad I didn't go to the ER, but I am glad I went to the doctor.  He said it could've turned to bronchitis if I hadn't come in when I did.

So it was partly Fibro and something to worry about! Again how do you tell the difference without spending all of your time at the doctor's or ER? Such a conundrum!

On a side note, my oldest son and I got matching tattoos! He picked them out.  It's a mom and son heart! It made me cry when he took me to get it.  He knows he's going to be moving out on his own once he gets his basics done next year and wanted me to have something to always look at and think of him (like I would need anything, because I'm going to be a mess when he moves out).  He got his on his shoulder, and I got mine above my left ankle. My new favorite tattoo!

Mom loving her son. Mine has a purple head and his has a blue head!

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

I'm Back!

Hello all,

I know it's been awhile, but I just got really lazy this summer and decided to take a computer break.  I actually had a great summer.  First summer in years where neither my hubby nor I ended up in the hospital for some kind of illness or surgery.

Our summer started with a whirlwind trip to East Coast for Memorial Weekend.  We actually went for a 30th birthday party for a girl I worked with one on one for 2 years when she was in elementary school.  I taught her life skills and she became a very important child in my life.  She taught me patience and tolerance, and I thank her for making me the teacher I am today.  Her birthday was a very special one because she only had a life expectancy of 25 years.

Her parents threw her a major party at the Baltimore Orioles stadium.  Since we were going for her birthday, my hubby and I decided to make it a family vacation.  My oldest was born in Columbia, MD and we wanted him to see where he spent the first 2 years of his life.  My youngest is a history buff, so we spent a day in DC, and then we all decided that a quick trip to NYC was in order.  I was exhausted by the time we got home and had to take an extra day off to sleep.  I was able to keep my fibro pain at bay with a lot of pain medication.  I hurt, but I wanted to make new memories for my boys.

We went to AZ in July to visit my brother and his family.  We spent a week there celebrating both the 4th of July and my birthday.  We went kayaking one day, and I actually managed pretty well.  I couldn't move my arms the next day, but well worth the pain.  Both my boys and hubby also had a blast kayaking.

I spent the rest of the summer just hanging out with my youngest.  We chilled, went to the movies, and just enjoyed our summer.  I hardly saw my oldest because he was always out with his boyfriend.  Now that school is starting and he has a job, we might see him every once in awhile.  Luckily for him we love his boyfriend, and they come and hang out at the house when they're broke.

I went back to work on Monday the 18th.  Trainings and getting my room back in order was exhausting, but I look forward to meeting my new 5th graders and having another fun year.

Finally, I went and got my hair done for the new school year.  Last year I went with purple highlights.  This year I decided to add purple and teal highlights.  I love my new color.  It makes me happy!

Last August

Anyway, hope every one is doing fine and the pain is manageable.  I hope everyone enjoyed their summer as much as I did.

Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie

At What Point Do You Say Enough is Enough?

Sorry, but this is going to be long!

I want to preface this post with I love my mother very much! That being said, when is it okay to say I'm tired and I can't take it anymore?

My mother is the type of person who loves hard, but she's also the type of person who judges hard and guilts even harder.  I lived with my parents until 1991 when I got married.  A few months after the wedding, my husband and I moved to St. Louis for his job (he was in the Coast Guard).  For the next 10 years we were away from home as we moved from place to place during his time in the military.  For the first 4 years of our marriage it was just the two of us, and then Spencer was born. During these 10 years, Brian and I would come home to visit once or twice a year or my parents would come visit us.  After Spencer was born the trips moved up to 3 or 4 times a year.  During this time things were great.

Then we moved back home.  We decided to leave the military and move back home to be closer to family for Spencer's sake.  It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I have often wished we had decided to stay in and not move back home.  I love my family and missed them terribly while I was gone, but the last 13 years since we moved back have not always been easy.

It seems that since my youngest was born and my oldest became a teenager, I have apparently become a horrible mother.  It seems that I do everything wrong, and that my children are turning into spoiled brats who have major attitudes. At least according to my mother.

Let's start with the oldest.  The first 6 years of his life were spent with me being his main caregiver.  His dad was gone at least 6 months of the year every year.  I stayed home with him until he was 2 years old, and then put him in preschool. I never used baby talk with him, and taught him independence and to think for himself.   From kinder to 6th grade he was always at whatever school I taught at, and spent a lot of time with me after school while I planned or graded papers. When he came out as being gay in 8th grade I supported him and let him know it didn't matter to us because we would always love him no matter what.

My family has always acted like they support his lifestyle, but it almost seems like my mother is actually embarrassed to have her colleagues or friends know.  She gets upset when I post something on social media sites (like a picture of him and his boyfriend celebrating X-Mas with us), or if he posts something on another social media that she deems inappropriate.  Heaven forbid one of her friends sees it.  I've told her before to block or unfriend him if the stuff he puts out there upsets her so much, but so far she just complains.  I've seen the stuff he posts, and so far I've never seen anything that would would be deemed as inappropriate.  I've talked to my son about being careful about what he posts because it could come back to bite him in the a$$ when he gets older and is looking for a career opportunity.

Another thing that upsets my mother is the fact that I let my son get tattoos.  Now being that I have 4 of my own tattoos, I can't really tell him that tattoos are bad.  I did tell him that he needed to get them in places he could hide them in the work force because unfortunately some people still judge a person by what they see.  He has a total of 5 tattoos right now, and every single one of them are tasteful and well placed.  He only gets tattoos that mean something to him.

Top of my right foot!

2 Corinthians 5:7

My son got his Faith Tattoo the same day I got mine. We were in 2 different cities and hadn't talked to each other about getting them.

My youngest son is spoiled, but as my mom keeps pointing out to anyone who will listen to her, she and my dad have been practically raising him since he was 6 weeks old.  He stays with them from Monday morning until Thursday after school.  My mom works at the private school he is attending.  They started him at the preschool when he was 3 and he just transitioned to their elementary school when he hit kinder.  So I ask you, who has really done the spoiling? While he may be spoiled, he really isn't that bad.  My mom tries to blame us and my oldest son for turning him into a monster.  Apparently he never acts that way unless we are around (which is complete B.S.).  Her and my dad decided to take him out of town for Spring Break, and all I got were calls about how awful he was acting (wait a minute, didn't I just say she claims he never acts like that unless we're around). 

The biggest complaint I have I guess is that just because I don't raise my children the way she wants me to, that makes me a bad parent.  She complains that we spend to much time on our phones, iPads, computers, video games, or whatever and not enough time with each other.  She's not with us and has no clue what goes on in my house.  She also seems to have forgotten that when we were little she spent all her time reading magazines or books (probably where I got my love of reading from).  Yes we always had dinner together, but after 10 years of spending time on our own with my hubby's weird schedules, we learned to eat whenever we got hungry.  Sometimes it's as a family, sometimes it's not.

Now to my fibro.  I apparently am supposed to suck it up and deal with the pain and get on with my life.  Heaven forbid if I'm exhausted or hurting after a full day of teaching 5th graders.  Or if I want to spend my weekends recuperating so that I can function for the upcoming week.  It seems like every conversation I have with my mother ends with some kind of criticism about me, my boys, or my fibro.  If I try to defend myself she ends up crying and hangs up on me.  I end up getting upset and then I go into a mini-flare (usually in my feet which makes doing anything nearly impossible).

So what do I do?  Do I apologize for not being as good of a mother as my sister in law or her sister in law (she likes to compare me to them and my boys to my cousins who have been lazy delinquents)?  Do I apologize for just not having the energy it takes to move some days because I'm in pain and exhausted from lack of sleep?  Do I just continue to sit idly by and take the criticism and hope eventually it will go away?  Again I ask, at what point do I say enough is enough and I'm tired and can't take it anymore?

Again sorry it was sooooooooo long!
Gentle Hugs,
Bonnie